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I mean I'd probably be ok with it if it was mostly moms and kids at the pool. It sounds like that grandma was more sensitive than some, and oversensitivity can cause as many problems as not enough. I used to go there as a child, and when taking my dd for swim classes there, was surprised to see that little had changed. But that doesn't mean you have to live in a constant state of stress and fear. My son started telling me he did not want to use the ladies room in public at age 5. I think at least they could reserve the stalls for the mom and little boys to use.
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Our local YMCA didn't have an age policy in their locker rooms until there were a number of complaints including from me. In that case, if it's against the rules for such child to be alone DD always has me stand in front of her in the shower, since there are no doors, and I stand in front of her while she dries off and dresses to give her a little bit of privacy. Pretty much every other pool I've been at has had that option. This is why family changing rooms are a good thing. As a parent of a child with autism, your home more often becomes your fortress.
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This is not a failing on my part, but is part of the diagnosis. The grandmother must have complained about it, because a few days later the mother of a classmate of dd's mentioned that the pool manager had told her that her son was not allowed in the girls' room anymore. The boys room to the left, girls room to the right, and the only way to get to the pool is to walk through one or the other of them. I mean I'd probably be ok with it if it was mostly moms and kids at the pool. If this is like a regular gym locker room with lots of people coming and going, maybe not.
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